Irvine University is a public university in California
Assignment ID Number AFFGEHU83939HD Type of Document Essay Writing Format APA/MLA/Harvard Academic Level Masters/University References/Sources 4 References
This is where the essay’s peer review takes place.
A. What is the paper’s main argument (thesis statement)? Is it clear what this essay will be about from the first paragraph? What are your thoughts on their thesis? Is it compelling, and if not, why?
Based on the first paragraph, the thesis of this essay is a little unclear to me, but from what I can tell, the essay discusses how gender and class were portrayed in the shows I Love Lucy and Two and a Half Men. Apart from social instruction, I’m not sure what you’re going for in terms of creative endeavors, cultural artifacts, and so on, based on the prompt. When discussing the shows in the first paragraph, perhaps be more specific and direct about what you’ll be focusing on!
I can tell it’s about women’s oppression and socioeconomic struggle from later in the essay, but it would be more compelling if it were a little more specific! I believe Edward suggested that you analyze a specific episode from each show, and I agree! I like your summary of the characters and what they learn from the show, but a specific scene that focuses on Lucy and the women in Two and a Half Men and their oppression as depicted in the show would really help your essay.
Furthermore, I believe it would be better if you compared the two shows and highlighted the differences between women and social classes in their respective eras. Women have changed dramatically since the invention of television, as we’ve seen, and a paragraph or two about the evolution of women’s oppression would really drive home the point of this essay.
B. Which parts of the draft do you find the most clear? What are the most ambiguous terms?
I particularly enjoyed the sections where you go into detail about how women are treated in each show. Despite the fact that they aren’t explicitly stated to be from an episode, they help anthologists understand the show’s message.
In a similar vein, it isn’t specific enough for me to get a strong sense of what they are going through. As I previously stated, any episode from both shows would be beneficial!
C. Does the paper address all of the prompt’s requirements? Which part(s) can be expanded upon?
The introduction is vague, and I don’t think I would have guessed it was about women’s oppression and socioeconomic struggle based on that alone. A more direct thesis, one that gets right to the point, would help to draw the reader’s attention to the essay. I believe the overall purpose was lost in specificity, so just work on the details and you’ll have a great essay!
It’s also a good idea to specify a critical lens! Based on a quick Google search, yours could be classified as feminist and/or Marxist, but I’d consult Edward on that.
I like the way your essay is structured, but as I mentioned earlier, a paragraph to tie the eras together would be a nice touch.
And, while I’m sure this is true for everyone, don’t forget to gather resources! Perhaps about the show Two and a Half Men, which seems to have a lot of female viewers.
THE ESSENTIALS – make a list of what’s in the current draft and check or mark what’s missing.
x Provides the reader with a brief synopsis or description of the two shows.
? Examines television shows as (2) constructs and builds a case using (1) critical frame.
To illustrate the main point, refers to specific moments in episodes (textual analysis).
6 sources are used (4 academic sources).
E. Make a remark about the writing style or organization: What do you think is working well and where do you think it could be improved?
Additional thoughts, concerns, or compliments?
Overall, you did a fantastic job! Simply fill in the blanks and clean up that intro!
Please accept my apologies if it appears strange! I hope it conveys the message! Best of luck!!
QUALITY OF RESPONSE NO RESPONSE POOR / UNSATISFACTORY SATISFACTORY GOOD EXCELLENT Content (worth a maximum of 50% of the total points) Zero points: Student failed to submit the final paper. 20 points out of 50: The essay illustrates poor understanding of the relevant material by failing to address or incorrectly addressing the relevant content; failing to identify or inaccurately explaining/defining key concepts/ideas; ignoring or incorrectly explaining key points/claims and the reasoning behind them; and/or incorrectly or inappropriately using terminology; and elements of the response are lacking. 30 points out of 50: The essay illustrates a rudimentary understanding of the relevant material by mentioning but not full explaining the relevant content; identifying some of the key concepts/ideas though failing to fully or accurately explain many of them; using terminology, though sometimes inaccurately or inappropriately; and/or incorporating some key claims/points but failing to explain the reasoning behind them or doing so inaccurately. Elements of the required response may also be lacking. 40 points out of 50: The essay illustrates solid understanding of the relevant material by correctly addressing most of the relevant content; identifying and explaining most of the key concepts/ideas; using correct terminology; explaining the reasoning behind most of the key points/claims; and/or where necessary or useful, substantiating some points with accurate examples. The answer is complete. 50 points: The essay illustrates exemplary understanding of the relevant material by thoroughly and correctly addressing the relevant content; identifying and explaining all of the key concepts/ideas; using correct terminology explaining the reasoning behind key points/claims and substantiating, as necessary/useful, points with several accurate and illuminating examples. No aspects of the required answer are missing. Use of Sources (worth a maximum of 20% of the total points). Zero points: Student failed to include citations and/or references. Or the student failed to submit a final paper. 5 out 20 points: Sources are seldom cited to support statements and/or format of citations are not recognizable as APA 6th Edition format. There are major errors in the formation of the references and citations. And/or there is a major reliance on highly questionable. The Student fails to provide an adequate synthesis of research collected for the paper. 10 out 20 points: References to scholarly sources are occasionally given; many statements seem unsubstantiated. Frequent errors in APA 6th Edition format, leaving the reader confused about the source of the information. There are significant errors of the formation in the references and citations. And/or there is a significant use of highly questionable sources. 15 out 20 points: Credible Scholarly sources are used effectively support claims and are, for the most part, clear and fairly represented. APA 6th Edition is used with only a few minor errors. There are minor errors in reference and/or citations. And/or there is some use of questionable sources. 20 points: Credible scholarly sources are used to give compelling evidence to support claims and are clearly and fairly represented. APA 6th Edition format is used accurately and consistently. The student uses above the maximum required references in the development of the assignment. Grammar (worth maximum of 20% of total points) Zero points: Student failed to submit the final paper. 5 points out of 20: The paper does not communicate ideas/points clearly due to inappropriate use of terminology and vague language; thoughts and sentences are disjointed or incomprehensible; organization lacking; and/or numerous grammatical, spelling/punctuation errors 10 points out 20: The paper is often unclear and difficult to follow due to some inappropriate terminology and/or vague language; ideas may be fragmented, wandering and/or repetitive; poor organization; and/or some grammatical, spelling, punctuation errors 15 points out of 20: The paper is mostly clear as a result of appropriate use of terminology and minimal vagueness; no tangents and no repetition; fairly good organization; almost perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word usage. 20 points: The paper is clear, concise, and a pleasure to read as a result of appropriate and precise use of terminology; total coherence of thoughts and presentation and logical organization; and the essay is error free. Structure of the Paper (worth 10% of total points) Zero points: Student failed to submit the final paper. 3 points out of 10: Student needs to develop better formatting skills. The paper omits significant structural elements required for and APA 6th edition paper. Formatting of the paper has major flaws. The paper does not conform to APA 6th edition requirements whatsoever. 5 points out of 10: Appearance of final paper demonstrates the student’s limited ability to format the paper. There are significant errors in formatting and/or the total omission of major components of an APA 6th edition paper. They can include the omission of the cover page, abstract, and page numbers. Additionally the page has major formatting issues with spacing or paragraph formation. Font size might not conform to size requirements. The student also significantly writes too large or too short of and paper 7 points out of 10: Research paper presents an above-average use of formatting skills. The paper has slight errors within the paper. This can include small errors or omissions with the cover page, abstract, page number, and headers. There could be also slight formatting issues with the document spacing or the font Additionally the paper might slightly exceed or undershoot the specific number of required written pages for the assignment. 10 points: Student provides a high-caliber, formatted paper. This includes an APA 6th edition cover page, abstract, page number, headers and is double spaced in 12’ Times Roman Font. Additionally, the paper conforms to the specific number of required written pages and neither goes over or under the specified length of the paper.
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